Dear Abby: My grandmother died when I was 7 years old. She was my favorite person and I loved her. She plays with me when no one else has time, teaches me how to bake, tells stories, and doesn’t mind if I play with the dishwasher when she’s trying to wash the dishes. I did.
I always knew she worked as a cook at an American Indian boarding school in America before she married her grandpa. They were places where children were sexually and emotionally abused, practicing cultural genocide that governments and churches tolerated.
I love my grandmother, but I am ashamed, angry and disgusted that she worked. If it was church related I know she would have overlooked the abuse even if she saw the act. How can I get over my anger and hurt someone for what I did a lifetime ago ? She has been dead for over 40 years. — hurt granddaughter
Dear Wound: By your description, your grandmother was a loving, caring, hardworking woman who was trying to (and probably was) raising children in boarding school. It may have been the only job she could find to support herself, something horrible happened there, but it wasn’t her fault.
Child abuse is not confined to a particular religion. Today, many religious people of many denominations cannot believe that there is such evil within them. . It’s not healthy for you to dwell on these negative feelings about someone who has been kind to you and long gone.
Dear Abby: My wife died 2 years ago. After a while, I met a woman. We dated for a year, shared the same hobbies and were very close. After a year of marriage we do nothing together. She’s gained 30 pounds. Her three girls, who I was led to believe were independent at age 20, 22 and 24, are actually partially supported by her. ‘s 15 year old son lives with us and plays on the computer in his room. He gets food delivered and doesn’t do chores.
I have an annual income of 2.5 million. She works and earns about $50,000 and I give her pocket money to cover her son’s private school expenses and any other expenses she desires.
Clearly I’m not No. she is the 1 in her life. She just got back from a girls weekend (which I funded), so I’m No. 2. My friend says she’s a gold digger who took advantage of me and says I should run away. I can’t believe I was wrong and I always give her “one more chance”. Also, if you get close to her cell phone, you’ll go insane. As I write this, it’s clear what’s going on. Am I underutilized? could i be missing something? — Ranked Low in North Carolina
Dear Ranking: I don’t know your wife, so I can’t tell if she likes gold digging. However, I am sure of this. You are not being used more than you would like. If you want to save this marriage, tell her wife you are unhappy and offer her counseling options. If she refuses, talk to her lawyer and thank your lucky stars that her marriage was short-lived.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.